my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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