Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
