just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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