I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize