It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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