It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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