My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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