Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
