turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
