I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
