You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
