Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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