I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
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