her vagine was all disorganized.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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