How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
