I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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