Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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