I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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