I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize