Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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