I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
