As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
