Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
