I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
