I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Randomize
