I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
