dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
