We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
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Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
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I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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