just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
