needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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