I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
