his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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