What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
we should paint friendship bongs
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