porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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