I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My breasts were aching with rage.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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