I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
