I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
