i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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