At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
