I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
