ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
