That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
