When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
