I just pynch a tree in the face
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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