Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
