You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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