I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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