You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
