If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
