capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
