soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
