I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
