I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
