PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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