Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
