I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
