he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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