Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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