im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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