Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
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