Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
