why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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