So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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